Choosing My Life

 

 

 
 

Dear Friend:

Watching loved ones die.

It seems to me that I am the luckiest person that I know. My life is a dream come true! The experiences that I've had, prepared me so well for living this great life.

I had the opportunity to care for two elderly people during their last years, up to the day that they died. These two were my dear Mommy, and my Uncle Joe. During my cancer, I had the opportunity thru attending my cancer support group, to see people dying. These two experiences, intimately watching people die, formed my thinking about how to live my life.

Loving Life or Fearing Death.

My Mommy lived until she was 89. Actually, the last several years of her life, she existed. Her heart kept on beating, and slowly, she faded away. The same fate caught up with Uncle Joe.

One Wednesday morning while I was in my cancer support group, it all came clear to me. I was not going to run scared from dying anymore. Instead, my life would be dedicated to living completely.

I did not want to end up slowly fading away as had happened to my Mommy and Uncle Joe. I also did not want to cling to my life so much, that I would do anything to survive my cancer. At that moment, living became more important to me than clinging to life.

Choices make the difference.

I choose to live my life to the very end. If that means that I die earlier, rather than later, that is the way that I want it. I do not want to live so long, that I end up with dementia. Also, living in a senior citizen's home is not an option for me.

Running after medical care was about to stop for me as well. Doctors want to save your life at any cost. I did not want to pay the cost, which may mean existing, rather than living a full life.

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