I've written of my therapy openly in the Tioga & George Blog. Due entirely to writing the Blog, and the feedback that I received from readers of the Blog, I was able to turn my life around. This is a story of triumph and success.
Below I tell the story of how this happened during the best year of my life, 2003!
If you see yourself in some of my writing, that's great! My life's work now, is to be of service to my RV friends and others who cross my path. If you get some value from reading my story, than I will have achieved success in my work!
The train wreck begins:
It is now my absolute belief and understading, that my methods of coping with the trials and embarrassment of those days, is with me to this present day. How I managed to get thru those trying times as a child, remains with me now in my sub-conscious mind. When my sub-conscious mind takes over, my behavior is rarely liked by those around me.
It has been a major goal in my recent life, to attempt train myself to understand this sub-conscious behavior. I want to be conscious about everything that I do! Finally I've come to know that-
Sub-Conscious behavior is the real villain:
My sub-conscious behavior ruined relationships with almost everyone that I have ever known.
How it happened:
As an adult, this need to prove myself remains and comes out to take over my behavior automatically. This behavior is sub-conscious. When I am in conversations, it is so difficult to just listen to others speak. I want to show that I am smart, clever and funny. My sense of humor is a large part of my sub-conscious behavior. I used humor as a child, in order to take the sting out of embarassing situations. Often, I was the clown, a very driven clown.
Coping with rejection:
What Happened Next?:
Emails began to come in from all over the United States, and even a few from Canada. Readers invited me to visit if I were in their neighborhood. I only made contact with a few of these people, and when I did, these meetings were VERY unsatisfactory for me. It was as if there were two George's, the writing George that everybody loved, and the face-to-face George that would turn out to be a real disappointment. Few liked me face-to-face! It was so confusing!
Writing the Blog was Therapy!:
A Light In The Tunnel:
This was a revelation for me! In my World, I lived a lifetime of confusion. I felt that I was a good person that nobody would ever like, let alone ever love. I said to myself a thousand times, "If I am bad, I could not be THAT bad!" In truth, my sub-conscious personality WAS that bad and drove people away from me.
My personality resembled one of those punching clown toys. Hit it and it just bounces back for more. Early in my working career, a co-worker said to me, "You know something? You cannot be insulted!" I had no clue what this guy was talking about! But I remember it to this day, and that remark was made over forty years ago.
The sub-conscious mind of a child:
Imagine behaving as an adult, the same way that you did as a child. That is what my sub-conscious mind did to me. My face-to-face personality was terrible.
Here are some of my major personality traits, when I am with other people:
Make up stories (tell fib or lie) to enhance my image.
Compulsion to tell others about their faults.
Do almost anything to get the attention and especially the acceptance that I craved.
Talk too loud.
Over talk others in a conversation (not let them get a word in edgewise).
Be very opinionated.
Have a comment on everything, even when I knew little about what I was speaking about.
Be a control freak.
Want to share everything that I did, with anybody who was around (even if they did not want to listen to me).
Insensitive to other people's moods.
This brings me up to the present day:
Thoughts about Self-Therapy:
Tens of thousands of dollars were spent on my therapy with a psychiatrist, and did not accomplish hardly anything. Yet my written therapy, which was a joy to do, and cost me nothing, was an astounding and phenomenal success.
I wonder now, if other people are using written self therapy to help themselves, as it helped me?
I have not taken any Lithium medication for my bi-polar problem since 2003. I initially stopped taking Lithium because this medication was causing damage to my kidneys. With the advice of my doctors, Lithium medication was ended.
I have not had any bi-polar problems as a result of being without Lithium. My doctors claim that it is not rare for older people to stop being bi-polar.