George's Personal Therapy Page

 

 

 
 

Dear Friend:

I've written of my therapy openly in the Tioga & George Blog. Due entirely to writing the Blog, and the feedback that I received from readers of the Blog, I was able to turn my life around. This is a story of triumph and success.

Below I tell the story of how this happened during the best year of my life, 2003!

If you see yourself in some of my writing, that's great! My life's work now, is to be of service to my RV friends and others who cross my path. If you get some value from reading my story, than I will have achieved success in my work!

The train wreck begins:
From the time when I was very young, only in kindergarten, I believe that I had high and low periods (bi-polar disorder). I got into trouble often, nothing serious, but many times I was singled out for punishment because of my behavior during a high period. This punishment caused me great embarrassment. How I coped with that embarrassment, changed the entire course of my life!

It is now my absolute belief and understading, that my methods of coping with the trials and embarrassment of those days, is with me to this present day. How I managed to get thru those trying times as a child, remains with me now in my sub-conscious mind. When my sub-conscious mind takes over, my behavior is rarely liked by those around me.

It has been a major goal in my recent life, to attempt train myself to understand this sub-conscious behavior. I want to be conscious about everything that I do! Finally I've come to know that-

Not understanding my sub-conscious mind meant terrible relationships with almost everybody.

Sub-Conscious behavior is the real villain:
Although bipolar disorder was a terrible thing to endure as a child, it is my sub-conscious behavior that resulted from coping with bipolar disorder that caused terrible conflicts in my adult life.

My sub-conscious behavior ruined relationships with almost everyone that I have ever known.

How it happened:
Being bipolar when I was a child, caused rejection by my playmates. My behavior was odd, and kids make fun of others who are odd. As a result, I had an overwhelming need to prove myself and strove to be accepted by my playmates. I felt not as good as others, and did anything that I could to try to gain approval.

As an adult, this need to prove myself remains and comes out to take over my behavior automatically. This behavior is sub-conscious. When I am in conversations, it is so difficult to just listen to others speak. I want to show that I am smart, clever and funny. My sense of humor is a large part of my sub-conscious behavior. I used humor as a child, in order to take the sting out of embarassing situations. Often, I was the clown, a very driven clown.

Coping with rejection:
So, it is the result of coping with being bipolar that is the main obstacle for me NOT the high and low mood swings of being bipolar. Behaving odd as a child, caused rejection. It was very difficult for me to understand the subtle difference here. Once I understood the difference, however, this understanding made a quantum leap in the quality of my life. And this change caught me flat footed!!

What Happened Next?:
It all began to turn around for me when I started to write the "The Adventures of Tioga and George" blog. I did not realize that people that I did not know would read The Blog, which was written only for family and friends to keep track of me. Emails came to me that were very complimentary. I was flattered at first, and then bewildered. Instead of people NOT liking me, just the opposite was happening. People that I did not know, offered invitations to camp in their driveways. I will tell you that I was perplexed at first. And I really did not understand what had happened. I knew something had happened however, that was for sure!

Emails began to come in from all over the United States, and even a few from Canada. Readers invited me to visit if I were in their neighborhood. I only made contact with a few of these people, and when I did, these meetings were VERY unsatisfactory for me. It was as if there were two George's, the writing George that everybody loved, and the face-to-face George that would turn out to be a real disappointment. Few liked me face-to-face! It was so confusing!

Writing the Blog was Therapy!:
Thru my writing on the Blog, I was first able to bring my own personality forward, without my subconscious habits controlling me. When people began to talk about me on the RV forum, saying what a wonderful person that I was, I was SOOOO embarrassed! I read their posts, and did not reply myself. When I read this thread, I really did not believe what I read. Posts went on and on about how much they loved me and the Blog! All that day, I kept smiling to myself just thinking about all of that praise! At that point, I had no comprehension about what had really happened. I did know that I loved it though.

A Light In The Tunnel:
Then one fine day, it dawned on me! It came as if it were a blessing from God. When I wrote, the subconscious me was controlled, I edited out the things that were buried in my mind. However, when I was face-to-face, the old me came out as strong as ever, and turned everybody off!

This was a revelation for me! In my World, I lived a lifetime of confusion. I felt that I was a good person that nobody would ever like, let alone ever love. I said to myself a thousand times, "If I am bad, I could not be THAT bad!" In truth, my sub-conscious personality WAS that bad and drove people away from me.

My personality resembled one of those punching clown toys. Hit it and it just bounces back for more. Early in my working career, a co-worker said to me, "You know something? You cannot be insulted!" I had no clue what this guy was talking about! But I remember it to this day, and that remark was made over forty years ago.

The sub-conscious mind of a child:

Imagine behaving as an adult, the same way that you did as a child. That is what my sub-conscious mind did to me. My face-to-face personality was terrible.

Here are some of my major personality traits, when I am with other people:

  • Make up stories (tell fib or lie) to enhance my image.
  • Compulsion to tell others about their faults.
  • Do almost anything to get the attention and especially the acceptance that I craved.
  • Talk too loud.
  • Over talk others in a conversation (not let them get a word in edgewise).
  • Be very opinionated.
  • Have a comment on everything, even when I knew little about what I was speaking about.
  • Be a control freak.
  • Want to share everything that I did, with anybody who was around (even if they did not want to listen to me).
  • Insensitive to other people's moods.

    This brings me up to the present day:
    Now I recognize the difference between my written personality and my face-to-face personality. My goal is to train myself to be the kind of person that I want to be, the kind of person that I am when I write. This will be a very difficult task, and I know that very well. However, now I have the understanding of what is going on. That alone, is a great comfort to me!

    Thoughts about Self-Therapy:
    It is so very clear now, that without writing the Blog, I would never have made the wonderful progress that I have made. The Blog was therapy, written therapy. The Blog accidentally got me to see my real personality in the writing of posters on the RV forum and in email sent to me.

    Tens of thousands of dollars were spent on my therapy with a psychiatrist, and did not accomplish hardly anything. Yet my written therapy, which was a joy to do, and cost me nothing, was an astounding and phenomenal success.

    I wonder now, if other people are using written self therapy to help themselves, as it helped me?

    I welcome your email.





    Note:
    I have not taken any Lithium medication for my bi-polar problem since 2003. I initially stopped taking Lithium because this medication was causing damage to my kidneys. With the advice of my doctors, Lithium medication was ended.

    I have not had any bi-polar problems as a result of being without Lithium. My doctors claim that it is not rare for older people to stop being bi-polar.

     

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    Email address: George


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